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Some advice my own Shaykh recently imparted upon us in regards to interactions we have with people involved with us in marriage (i.e. wife, children, in-laws etc.), especially for those of us who are born and raised in the west, was that due to the fact that we live in an environment which promotes unbalanced individuality focusing on our own selves’ rather than others and disseminating a lack of adab (social etiquettes) and khidmah (the serving of others), young couples should make it a habit of reading as much as possible on issues dealing with marriage, social etiquettes and the lives of our pious predecessors. As one of my friends recently pointed out, relating from Shaykh Muhammad al-Ya’qoubi, that we should read about the lives of modern day scholars so that we may see many noble qualities being exhibited in modern times, making it even more real and achievable for all of us. Insha-Allah. Not only reading however, but actually trying to implement those teachings is imperative. Something i’d add would be to read those texts and ask pious and learned scholars the best manner in which to implement those advices.

The article:
Getting Married

Choosing a companion to spend one’s life with is a decision of the greatest consequence in the path. Perhaps the best response to the many questions that are asked about marital suitability and the tariqa is that disciples may marry anyone they want, as long as the following condi­tions are met:

(1) That the prospective spouse share one’s own vision of Islam and be religious, meaning that they follow one of the four Sunni schools of jurisprudence (madhhabs), pray the five prayers, and if female, cover correctly. They do all of this before ever hearing of marriage. Someone who doesn’t pray but “comes from a good family” is absolutely unacceptable, and one must not be pressured by family members into marrying someone of this description. One’s children could end up in hell by following their example.

(2) That the prospective spouse agree that the household will be run according one of the four Sunni schools of jurisprudence (madhhabs) in all matters; if Hanafi, for example, that there be nothing unlawful according to the school in any of the family’s dealings.

(3) That the prospective spouse know that one has a tariqa and sheikh and what this entails, knows that one goes to the weekly majalis and yearly suhbas, and that one’s main interest is Allah. If the person also has a tariqa, it must be an authentic one, meaning at minimum that the sheikh and disciple know that the Sacred Law is above the sheikh, the disciple, and everyone else.

(4) That the husband be the man of the family, and the big decisions return to his istikhara or ‘prayer of guidance.’

(5) That the husband have a lawful income by which he can support a wife and free her from the need to work, providing for her a bayt shar‘i or ‘house guaranteed by Sacred Law,’ meaning her own house which she runs, and has complete security in and everything else she needs, according to the standard enjoyed by women of similar social standing in the same town; and that none of her husband’s family can come into her house, meddle, give advice about her children, count her spoons, or anything else, unless she wants them to. If she doesn’t get along with in-laws, the husband can visit them himself in their home. If a man in the tariqa wants to get married, he has to be able to provide all this. Otherwise, he must make plans for the future, with Allah’s help. One need not obey parents’ demands to marry if one is unable to provide a wife with these basic rights guaranteed by Sacred Law.

It is often preferable wait to marry until one has achieved a sound footing in the tariqa. New converts to Islam in particular should practice and adjust to their religion for a year or two before taking on the additional challenge of marriage. If one suffers from temptation, one may request the “Settling One’s Grounds” program from the sheikh.

ANYONE who marries someone with the above stipulations marries with the sheikh’s complete blessing and best wishes, although there is baraka in seeking his permission. Other rules for disciples who are married or considering marriage are found in the booklet “Marriage,” which is available on request.

(Selection from The Shadhili Tariqa) MCMXCIX © N. Keller

For as He would raise His noble countenance, around Him He would see the end of that gateway placed in His heart that brought Him to eternity and He would once again see nothing, everything………illa-Allah

You and I are wayward men and need that which is to come so soon, so let us look into ourselves like our Guide has shown us so long ago so what we may see nothing as well so that we may see everything as well.

Just a thought….

Some things to do:
- Begin asking for forgiveness
- Fast a few days prior to Ramadhan though not the prior 2-3 days
- Begin to stay away from sins and begin recting a few words of the Quran
- Preparing ourselves by reflecting over our current state and the state that is to come
- Making intentions of what we wish to accomplish and making preparations to complete them.

I’ll add more as I think them up or as I hear from others

……Forgive me

You are always in my prayers.

I thought it would be appropriate to post a few notes regarding this night.

1. In another Tradition, our mother Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, has reported Rasulullah, Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, to have said, “This is the middle Night of Sha’ban. Allah emancipates in it a large number of the people from the Fire, more than the number of the hair growing on the sheep of the tribe, Kalb. But He does not cast a glance at a person who associates partners with Him, or at a person who harbours malice in his heart (against someone), or at a person who severs family ties, or at a man who leaves his clothes extending below his ankles, or at a person who disobeys his parents, or at a person who has a habit of drinking wine.”
Targeeb wat Tarheeb, vol. 2, pg. 118 authority of Imam Bayhaqi (rah)

2. Sayyiduna Muaz ibn Jabal, Radiyallahu anhu, reports that Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “Allah Ta’ala looks upon all those he created in the middle Night of Shábaan and forgives them all, except the one who associates partners with Him or the one who has malice in his heart (against a Muslim)”.
Targeeb wat Tarheeb, vol. 2, pg. 118 from Imam Tabrani and Saheeh ibn Hibban

3. Sayyiduna Abdullah ibn Amr radiyallahu anhu reports that Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said, Allah Ta’ala looks upon his creation on the middle night of Shábaan and forgives them, except one who harbours malice in his heart and a murderer.
Targeeb wat Tarheeb, vol 2 pg. 119 from Imam Ahmad (rah)

These are only a few narrations in regards to this noble night, please feel free to search my links for more information.

Some Links:

The Night of the 15th of Sha`ban
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=7&ID=140&CATE=24

Is there anything special about the 15th of Sha`ban?
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=2435&CATE=148

Please remember me, my family, my friends and the Ummah in your prayers and supplications on this virtuous night as I will, insha-Allah, remember all of you.